Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Burdens to Bear

What do you do when the person who gave you life is crying on the other end of the phone because he feels helpless and a burden to those that love him?  Well, I can tell you what I do.  I tell that man that he is the most wonderful person that I will ever meet and that I love him.  I keep telling him that I love him and that I support his decisions and everything I do for him is because I love him and because I know he would do the same for me.  I tell him that I love him.

I tell him that I love him because that is all I can do.  I am helpless too.  There is nothing I can do but send my love.  It's up to the doctors at Henry Ford to decide what is best for him.  He is in the right place with the right people.

I tell him that I love him.

Dad, with Grandpa and Grandma Anderson 
( I really wish they would have wrote dates on the backs of these pictures.)

Today, started out with me waking up and hoping that Dad would be coming "home".  After I finished work, I called his cell to find out if the docs needed me to bring anything else to rehab.  As soon as I heard his voice I knew that he wasn't coming home.

The phlem in his chest from the pnemonia isn't going away.  He is having a hard time breathing plus due to the heart surgery (yeah, a simple procedure so I'm told...unless you're my Dad) is causing A LOT of blood to come up with his coughing because of the blood thinners.

I tell him that I love him because that's all I can do.

The Docs are going to put him back in ICU so no more cell phone and no more phone more importantly no connection with the outside world.  They are giving him increased Vit K ( I didn't know there was such a vitamin but leave it to Dad for me to learn about it.)

Dad is scared.  The docs said they might have to put him on a ventalater which freaks him out.  He needs control.  He needs to be in control of his own body.  The last time they had to assist him with breathing, other than oxygen, was two years ago at Thanksgiving where he was on BiPaP, another term I had to learn and he was having massive anxiety attacks due to being hooked up to the machine.

I tell him that I love him.

I'm just getting over a cold/flu that Brother Bear and I had.  I don't dare go near Dad for at least another day because I was running a temp yesterday and I want to make sure it's gone for good so I told him I would come to Henry Ford on Friday...hopefully to talk with the doctors in person instead of on the phone.

I tell him that I love him.

My father will NEVER be a burden to me!  It breaks my heart knowing that he thinks that he is.

For 63 years this man has been a inspiration to pretty much everyone he has met.

My sister talked to him right after I did and right before they took his phone away.  She did something that I did a long time ago...something that I hope, won't be a burden on Dad anymore.  She told him that she would be ok.  That she and twins would be ok.  That he didn't need to keep fighting to be there for her.  That if he felt he couldn't fight anymore she would be ok.

I love her for that!  I'm tough on my stinker of a sister (said in love) and I've given her a bunch of hell for relying on Dad so much but telling him that he could let go...well, she told him that she loved him and that was all she could do.

Dad, in gradeschool, sometime in the 1950's


  1. It is so sad to hear that your Dad is not getting better. Wishing strength to all of you. I admire the courage you have--maybe it is one of the things you inherited from him. I had to ask my father if he wanted to die and he said no. After two years, he decided to leave us. I'll miss him forever.

  2. Awww, Andrea. Hugs to you and Wonder Dad and your sis (for being a big girl) and...just hugs all around. We're here for you.

  3. I've been following your tweets about your dad and thinking of your family often - sending lots of prayers and good thoughts your way.