This week I wasn't able to sort any fiber, halter train (thankfully Grumpy did that for me) or take care of barn chores (again, Grumpy and the Bears to the rescue). I stayed on the couch and watched movies...too tired to even knit or spin. I guess that's why I'm not sleeping tonight...I'm well rested.
I have also been thinking a lot about my Dad. This week would have been his 7th Birthday. Seven years ago this Friday March 26 my father received a bilateral double lung transplant which changed the course of our lives. For seven years, I have celebrated this birthday/anniversary more than his real birthday.
I miss him so much! I know I've been married a long time and I have my own children to take care of but being sick...I still wanted my Dad to take care of me. He always had a way to cheer me up. I remember him driving all the way to Kalamazoo when I was in college just to make me some Campbells Chicken Noodle Soup. It wasn't the soup that made me feel better, it was knowing that my dad was there.
It's only been four months since he passed away and the pain is still strong. I try to hide it from the kids and the rest of the world but it's so hard. He wasn't just my father, he was my best friend. I used to talk to him every single day. Even when he was in ICU, I was communicating with him via the nurses.
April is Organ Donation Awareness Month and I've been asked to speak to a group. My dad was supposed to speak at this engagement...it's going to be hard, especially this first time.
I thought maybe once I got some of these thoughts out of my head I would be ready to sleep again but I'm still not tired. 3am has quickly turned to 4am. I guess I could get the coffee going but since I cut back to one cup a day that's not as fun...I hate to turn on the lights to knit or spin because Sister Bear decided to leave her bedroom and sleep on the couch...she's part rooster so she'll be up in an hour anyway.
Sleep...today is going to be a long day.
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Try Melatonin for the insomnia. It really helps me since I have to sleep opposite.
ReplyDeleteYour Dad was a wonderful man.
Hugs to you Andrea!! I wish I could help with the pain. Just know that I'm thinking of you and sending warm thoughts your way. Your Dad was a very special man and he was very lucky to have a daughter like you!
ReplyDeletewonderful...................................................
ReplyDeleteTake care today - hope you get some sleep tonight.
ReplyDeleteI've noticed the lack of sleep hitting me harder as I get older, and it just kills me.
Pondering about the death of my brother brought about insomnia for me for the first time in my life.... it has gotten better in time. I'm sure the speech will be hard, but what a great way to bring evenmore meaning to your father's life!
ReplyDeleteAs difficult as this speaking engagement will be, I imagine this group will be very receptive of what you have to say. I also suspect it will be a good thing for your healing process.
ReplyDeleteYou are an inspiration. Good luck.
You are amazing...It is always so difficult to lose a parent. You were so close from the sounds of it, hold onto those good times, and always remember that love is eternal.
ReplyDeleteThe speaking engagement will be very difficult, but you will do an amazing job! You are such a great example. Thanks for all you have done to help spread organ donation awareness. We need more people like you!
We hope that you are able to get some rest soon!